So high… and delayed in publication

Midnightjester’s drug- induced, deluded (rest of the) season projection (part 1)

Sunday 18th January PL

Bouyed by the taunting of what is almost an ex-Judas pining, no doubt, for his Fjord Cortina the Lillywhites, led by the spirited performances of Aaron Lennon, Michael Dawson and Jamie O’Hara, put away a pony coastal team led by an ex-Gooner with limited talent and an odd nose. (so close to true)

Wednesday 21st January LC

A side from Tottenham, unrecognisable from some previous, rather disasterous, games and filled with talented youths due their chance to shine, steps out onto the hollowed (or at least severly divoted) ground of Burnley football club and make it all look oh-so-easy as they book themselves a Carling Cup final for the second year running. (well, I got the ultimate result right!)

Saturday 24th January FAC

A team of nasty reds (communists, no doubt) get their invitation to Manchester accepted against the better judgement of all those in the south of England. The team travel north beyond the line of safety onto mythical ‘B’ roads and into the lands where the maps say “here be dragons.” They return, having played 12 men (one garbed in a strange strip and sporting a whistle) with a well earned draw after a 90th minute goal. (so close… again)

Tuesday 27th January PL

A fierce band of warriors in white are seen to put to the sword a bunch of stripey, aggressive, grime-covered northerners as the Lilywhites find their spinal columns and taste for a battle beyond ordinary football. The game is tight for the first 20 minutes until the second goal sails past their keeper and then the floodgates open. The visitors blame the unnatural heat of above-zero temperatures, something unknown in their homeland, for affecting their game.

Saturday 31st January

The end of the month of “Janus, God of the doorway” sees Spurs visit a giant shoe and find the old lady who lives there even uglier than anticipated. The hag is, though, kind enough to open the door to the upper ends of the Premier League table by using only force and predictable, mindless tactics. No match for the brave, pure boys from White Hart Lane.

January ends with our heroes in 10th position on the table and ready to push on to new, heroic heights and ready to deliver silverware for the fans to drink from.